Fairy Tale Ending...

In Fall '07, I was taking a Creative Writing class just for fun. During this time I saw the movie Becoming Jane. I'd always been fond of Austen's writing, but didn't know much about her life until then. Somewhere in the middle of the movie I got an overwhelming feeling that my life is going to somehow mirror hers. I came home and wrote the following entry in my Writer's Journal for class:

It's one thing to not be able to write when I'm tired or my blood sugar is low, but right now my heart is heavy and the voices are gone. I want to write the fairy tale about my own love, but I'm afraid. What if I write the ending I want and Spenser and I don't get married? Sure, writers have the prerogative to end a story however they choose, but this could break my heart. Then again, the "happy ending" may bring me solace if it doesn't work out with Spenser and me in real life. In Becoming Jane, Jane Austen said all her stories would end happily and her characters would have everything they desired. That really struck me because the beauty of writing is in the author's pen. It gives us the power to "rewrite" any event in our lives however we see fit. Jane didn't get to keep her true love, but their bond and the dream of a life together could be preserved in the pages of her books. Following in her footsteps would lead to a very blessed life. She never married, yet the love in her stories still touches millions today. I hope my legacy is that strong. Still, here is my dilemma: If I write my perfect ending to my book and Spenser and are not together for life, I feel like I'm taking revenge on God for not giving me what I want. After all, His will is what's best for me. I don't know, maybe this is a silly debate because he and I will most likely be married and blissfully happy. And if that happens, my fairy tale will be a glorious reminder of just how far Spenser and I have come. If not, perhaps the Lord will allow it as a way for me to cope.

Re-reading this today makes me sad because I think I foresaw being in the place where I am now when I wrote it - trying to find joy in my singleness. I am pretty sure today that I will indeed follow in Austen's footsteps of allowing the best and most significant parts of one great love in my own life inspire the design of the hero in all my stories. I am thankful that God has given me one blessing that He apparently didn't give Jane Austen - the man who captured my heart will remain my best friend for my entire life. I'll always laugh with him, have his constant encouragement and be able watch him become the strong and honorable man God created him to be. I would have nothing real to write about if not for Spenser.

No matter where God takes us in our separate journeys, the bond between us is ever lasting. I'll finish the novel I began writing based on our love someday soon and let my heart guide the ending.
God is smiling at me right now, I can feel it and it's just for the simple fact that He knows me better than I know myself.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28, NLT