Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Prayers for Hope in My Surrender

Hope in surrenderence seems to be a running theme in my life as 2015 begins. It was the first topic in my new devotional journal and the message in my sweet friend Bethany's recent powerfully poignant blog post about her husband's worsening battle with cancer and the burdensome new developments in her precious young daughter's journey with cerebral palsy. After reading both texts, I started to wonder if The Lord is trying to tell me something… upon reflection of events since my last post in August, I realize Jesus has been urging me to fully surrender my trust to Him in regards to my calling for the Kingdom, the personal desires hidden away in my heart and my future prosperity.  I know many of those reading this might ask what in the world I'm talking about because I seem to have more faith than anyone else they know.

I'll grant them that allowing God's Grace to cover the daily frustrations and trials of living with a disability is nearly second nature to me after "rollin'" with Him so long.  My greatest struggle lies with confronting and accepting the abstract unknown. I strongly dislike "ifs" and completely loathe "maybes". They usually leave me to endlessly mentally chase my tail until I collide with disappointment.  I thrive when I'm able to make plans and have at least a rough idea of the direction in which I should go. That's not to say I can't "go with the flow," as I must adapt to many unexpected changes in one day sometimes. It has more to do with having a defined purpose.

In my last post I said I would explain where I sense God leading me when I had more concrete details. But, months later, I'm still waiting on a great many of those details to be revealed. If I'm being honest, keeping everything under wraps is just a sign of my fear, doubt and lack of trust in the Lord's plan for me. 

Now I realize that in order to succeed in any of this, I must give up control of the situation through praying and anxiously waiting for things to unfold precisely how I'd like to see them. And instead, surrender my complete trust to the thoughtfully measured guidance of Jesus in quietly peaceful expectancy.

"Trust in the lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take." - Proverbs 3:5-6

In light of this, as long as you can bear with me for a little while longer, I'll explain my intentions with a humble request for your prayers and encouragement/suggestions as you feel led… So, here it goes: I began earnestly trying to determine what exactly God wants my life's work to look like after being laid off from my first job at the end of 2010.  I knew it would ultimately entail putting my writing skills to use, for books yes, but for something more interpersonal as well, as I have a passion for encouraging others.  I just had no idea what that would be.

In truth, I've felt like the majority of these past few years has been an aimless wander through the desert, as my search for gainful employment continues to fail – a fact which only exacerbates my fear, frustration and distrust of the unknown. Sure, I've kept busy with sporadic freelance projects, book signings for The Little Butterfly Girl and my regular involvement with Improbable Theatre Company (ITC), etc., but those things haven't been steady or financially fruitful enough to build a career on.

But, as I'm noticing more each day, with God there is a reason and sequence for ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!  Through my participation in ITC, The Lord has allowed my confidence to grow in speaking/performing in public using the augmentative communication app on my iPhone or iPad (Proloquo2go is awesome) and also blessed me with the gift of my precious friend, Jolene.  A little known fact about her is that she was crowned Ms. Wheelchair Arizona 2009. The closer we became, the more she'd nudge me to vie for the title myself. For a long while I was in "Moses mode," pleading as he did in Exodus 4:10: “O Lord, I’m not very good with [spoken] words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.”

Obviously I got The Lord's response in the very next verses: “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the lord? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.”

Dearest Jolene never gave up either. So, I was left with no choice, but to honestly consider the possibility...

As if to be sure I was paying attention, The Lord presented me with the opportunity to hear Jenny Adams give her final speech as Ms. Wheelchair America 2014 within days of all these revelations. My conversation with Jenny that day was the switch that needed to be flipped for all the pieces to snap into place. I intend to compete in this year's pageant for Ms.Wheelchair Arizona. 

The idea for my platform materialized almost immediately, but it needed a concrete anchor. Thus, thanks to Jolene being willing to brainstorm with me into the wee hours of the night (read the two previous posts for details) and become my marketing guru, Brooke's Butterfly Touch was born (click the link to the
 Left).

While my human inclination is to be extremely worried because interest in the business is very slow to come and I've yet to receive any word on the pageant,I'm choosing to trust and be grateful that The Lord is taking the time to ensure the foundation of my life's work is properly laid. 

Philippians 4:5-7 ~
"Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."